![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Star Trek XI, "Sometimes You Just Want To Be A Person," gen, humor ficlet
Title: "Sometimes You Just Want To Be A Person"
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairings/Characters: gen, bridge crew
Rating: PG-13 for a lot of sex jokes
Summary: Being known as a pan-galactic sex god gets a little old sometimes.
Author's Note: I wrote this for Joy based on shared personal experience. It is pure silliness.
Jim leaned over Chekov's console to review the path he'd planned through the asteroid belt, and gave a tense nod. "Well, Mr. Sulu, it's a tight fit, but I think you can handle it. Right?"
Sulu snickered. Chekov blushed. Jim just sighed. "Now, how did I not see that one coming?"
"Is that what she said last night?" Yeoman Rand asked, hiding her mouth behind her hand.
"Guys. Really. Can we have some discipline here? Things are hard enough without --"
"Captain, if I were to be in your position I would not have chosen those particular words."
That was Spock. SPOCK. Making a sexual innuendo. A fairly awkward one, but still -- that was the moment when Jim just lost it. He strode out to the middle of the bridge and folded his arms.
"Okay, I have officially had enough of this. I know I'm good-looking. I know I like to have a bit of fun. And I know I don't have a wife and kids and a couple of golden retrievers back home to make people feel weird about looking at me that way. And I like that. I mean, that's who I want to be. But seriously, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be okay with getting treated like the punchline to a dirty joke all the goddamn time. There's a time and a place, ya know? And right now, I'm trying to help save all of our asses, so I really don't think this is the time or place. We clear?"
"We get it," said Sulu, "But you have to admit, you do it on purpose. It's your whole persona. How else are we supposed to react?"
Uhura finally raised her eyes from her console and turned around. "Really? He's asking for it? No, the Captain's right. I should know. Win one drinking contest and everyone thinks you're just one of the frat boys, only with nicer legs and a shorter uniform." She sighed. "It's not that it's so terrible to be the hot chick, but honestly, sometimes you want to just be a person."
Jim offered Uhura a high five for that. She hesitated for a second, and then returned it enthusiastically. "Exactly! Or, in this case, I want to be your boss. You know, that guy you listen to because he knows what he's talking about and has gotten you out of worse straits than this?"
"Okay, okay, no more harassing the captain." Sulu raised a hand in the universal gesture for "cease fire." "But I've gotta know, Uhura: what is the deal with the skirt? I understand not liking the attention, hell, I probably wouldn't like it either, but last I heard female officers have the option to wear pants. What gives with that?"
"Hey, if you have to stay in shape to pass a Starfleet physical once a year, you might as well show it off." Uhura smirked. "And besides, tight pants plus synthetic fibers plus lady parts. You want to ask Doctor McCoy to do that math for you?"
Sulu and Chekov both flinched so hard that their chairs bounced back.
And it was never, ever spoken of again.
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairings/Characters: gen, bridge crew
Rating: PG-13 for a lot of sex jokes
Summary: Being known as a pan-galactic sex god gets a little old sometimes.
Author's Note: I wrote this for Joy based on shared personal experience. It is pure silliness.
Jim leaned over Chekov's console to review the path he'd planned through the asteroid belt, and gave a tense nod. "Well, Mr. Sulu, it's a tight fit, but I think you can handle it. Right?"
Sulu snickered. Chekov blushed. Jim just sighed. "Now, how did I not see that one coming?"
"Is that what she said last night?" Yeoman Rand asked, hiding her mouth behind her hand.
"Guys. Really. Can we have some discipline here? Things are hard enough without --"
"Captain, if I were to be in your position I would not have chosen those particular words."
That was Spock. SPOCK. Making a sexual innuendo. A fairly awkward one, but still -- that was the moment when Jim just lost it. He strode out to the middle of the bridge and folded his arms.
"Okay, I have officially had enough of this. I know I'm good-looking. I know I like to have a bit of fun. And I know I don't have a wife and kids and a couple of golden retrievers back home to make people feel weird about looking at me that way. And I like that. I mean, that's who I want to be. But seriously, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be okay with getting treated like the punchline to a dirty joke all the goddamn time. There's a time and a place, ya know? And right now, I'm trying to help save all of our asses, so I really don't think this is the time or place. We clear?"
"We get it," said Sulu, "But you have to admit, you do it on purpose. It's your whole persona. How else are we supposed to react?"
Uhura finally raised her eyes from her console and turned around. "Really? He's asking for it? No, the Captain's right. I should know. Win one drinking contest and everyone thinks you're just one of the frat boys, only with nicer legs and a shorter uniform." She sighed. "It's not that it's so terrible to be the hot chick, but honestly, sometimes you want to just be a person."
Jim offered Uhura a high five for that. She hesitated for a second, and then returned it enthusiastically. "Exactly! Or, in this case, I want to be your boss. You know, that guy you listen to because he knows what he's talking about and has gotten you out of worse straits than this?"
"Okay, okay, no more harassing the captain." Sulu raised a hand in the universal gesture for "cease fire." "But I've gotta know, Uhura: what is the deal with the skirt? I understand not liking the attention, hell, I probably wouldn't like it either, but last I heard female officers have the option to wear pants. What gives with that?"
"Hey, if you have to stay in shape to pass a Starfleet physical once a year, you might as well show it off." Uhura smirked. "And besides, tight pants plus synthetic fibers plus lady parts. You want to ask Doctor McCoy to do that math for you?"
Sulu and Chekov both flinched so hard that their chairs bounced back.
And it was never, ever spoken of again.